What is family?

It is amazing how much can change over the course of 30 years. When my nieces and nephews as me what it was like when I grew up I babble on for a few moments before I notice they have no idea what I am talking about. I then try to explain things piece by piece but we usually get stuck on one thing because of all the who, what, when, where and why's. Goodness those "whys" get you don't they. I tell them I grew up before CD's and I remember how big of a deal it was when CD's came out but lately that has changed to before iPods. It is conversations like these that make me realize that I have seen our world change so dramatically in just a short period of time and how lucky I am to have witnessed all these advances. This weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with my little cousin who is about to turn 12 for the whole weekend. I got to teach him how to make root beer floats while we ate pizza, participate in a parade, go to the movies, cook hot dogs and s'mores over a camp fire, play video games and make four different types of cupcakes. Yes we did have a lot of sugar since that was the only way I would be able to keep up with him. I really love the one on one time we got to spend together. However, an interesting thing happened on the way from the car to the movie theater. He out of nowhere turns to me and asked "Are you my cousin?" I was taken aback for a moment and answered yes. I told him since I had married his cousin that technically makes me his cousin. Then my curiosity took over and it was my turn to ask the why question. He responded that he was just trying to get clear because so many people call each other family when there not or use the wrong title with family members. 

This got me thinking about the difference between the world we live in now compared to the one I had grown up with in regards to what family means. When I grew up you family that was related to you by blood, marriage or adoptions. If you came from a large family sometimes it would take a while to name all of your relatives but regardless it was simple to understand and wouldn't need much of a story to explain relationships with others. In today’s world for most of us that simplicity is gone and explaining relationships are very complicated. In our society now we have a new grouping in the family category and for lack of a defined term I will call this grouping the almost family. Almost family members can be a very touchy subject as there are no commonly accepted guidelines for who is included in this group. Being that is the case it is up to each person to determine who is in this category and pursue a relationship. 

For example I have a step-sister who got married two years ago. Her husband has two children and she has a daughter all from previous relationships. My step-sisters daughter is my niece by my mother’s marriage. Now that my sister is married does that make his children my niece and nephew? I believe technically it does because of the marriage but when they had gotten married I left it up to his children to decide. I am happy to say I am now considered a favorite aunt by both of them. My full brother got married and that gave me a sister-in-law. They had two children together giving me two of the cutest nephews in the whole world. Shortly after the birth of their second child they separated. After conversations with my sister-in-law we decided that even though they would be getting divorced we would still consider each other sisters for the rest of our lives. She has been dating the same man for a few years now and he has four children from a previous marriage. They live together, she has full custody of my nephews and they share custody of his children 50/50. They are not married but live as if they are and raise their children as if they are. Does this make his children my nieces and nephews? There are no direct ties through blood or marriage. Technically they are not my nieces and nephews but they could fall into the almost family category. After meeting his children I felt it was best to let them decide on the relationship but I would treat them as if they were my family. After a little while of getting to know me they now consider me auntie and I have added them to my family collection.

My family now consists of the following three great grandparents, eleven grandparents, eight parents, fourteen aunts & uncles, nine brothers & sisters, twelve nieces & nephews and countless cousins. What is even more incredible than that is that I have good relationships with 85% of them. Once I figured this out I asked myself what it all meant. By an odd coincidence the answer came to me through my cell phone. In one day I got phone calls from 10 of my family members. The purpose of these calls ranged from I love you, I miss you, how are you doing, can we get together, did I tell you what happened and I need to talk to someone. At the end of the day I knew family can be complicated and ever changing. Also and very oddly the old saying is right you don't get to choose your family. The truth is they choose you. Not because you force your way into their lives. Not because you are always around. Not because you feel entitled and give them no choice. 

Tonight I am thankful. I have many wonderful people who have chosen me as their family. No matter how complicated it may be to explain how we are related I will love each and every one of them with all my heart as long as they let me.